Tripling the Fun: The Trumps Keep Growing
At the Yellco cave.
Ricki Yellco: I’m so disappointed. The RNC came to Cleveland and the only thing I got was a parking ticket. I just hope to get some clearance items at the damn Republican’s website. I’m sure those Trump items will be available after he opens his mouth a few more times. The DNC will be doing a sale, too, except their convention t-shirt is powder blue. Not my color.
Doc Roccous: The Dems seem to like the softer look. It goes well with rainbows. The Republicans are all about strong reds and blues, except they have got to be feeling way too blue this year. The Don is killing them. Though, his supporters would follow him off a cliff. But knowing the Trumpster, he’d have a parachute on. He’d float away watching lots of white men plunge into the abyss.
Peter Shaman: A wise businessman.
Ricki Yellco: So are we going to continue to go out with Tom Montana? He is now a Trump supporter.
Doc Roccous: He might come out of it, but we can’t dis him just because he has a different view. This is America after all and even Ted Crud says to vote your conscience.
Peter Shaman: Well in his case it might be half a conscience or something more subterranean.
Ricki Yellco: Yea, you’re right. Politics is pretty private in the end and it shouldn’t get in the way of friendships. But if he wears any Trump paraphernalia, I can’t say I’m going to go into battle with him.
Peter Shaman: Exactly, just like a designated buffer. Remove the threat before the threatening gets out of hand.
Ricki Yellco: So we should expect him to be in our bowling league again. I mean knocking down pins takes precedent over marital bliss. I’d rather bowl a 300-game than do it with Evanka.
Doc Roccous: Woa, it’s way too early for making those kinds of decisions. I need lunch first before contemplating fame and sex.
On the campaign trail
Miss Peeps: Yes, Mr. Trump. I understand you’ve appointed me campaign advisor. Well, I did say to stay away from remarking about the DNC. You just couldn’t because you know Muslims and Muslims love you. They support you 100%. OK, we’ll work something out. (Hangs up phone.)
Howie Destin: You know we have to do something to re-establish the man as a viable candidate.
Miss Peeps: I know how we can up the campaign ante and stop the Hillary hoopla. We're going to hire some Trump doubles. That way we'll get even more coverage and the American voters won't know which Trump to believe and Hillary will have to answer more accusations than ever.
Howie Destin: Miss Peeps that's one awesome idea. We'll get on it right away.
Miss Peeps: Great. When you have the people, we'll send the around to the following events. The real Trump can keep his abnormal schedule. We'll need three impersonators. And just think, if one of them seems better, gets better numbers, we can switch him out with the real Don. Let's call this our Don Con action plan.
Howie Destin: So, where will the other Dons be headed.
Miss Peeps: Don I will appear on NBC Today to talk 19th Amendment on August 26 which is Women's Equality Day.
Howie Destin: He can say he knows the 19th Amendment like the casino business--sometimes when you roll the dice, a ten comes up and you hire her because she has the right qualifications. If you get snake eyes, well she loses. That’s equality by rule of the jungle, and it’s a jungle out there. Every white, old geezer understands beauty is in the eye of the beholden to Trump.
Miss Peeps: Then we send Don II to Fox on September 17.
Howie Destin: Perfect--Constitution day. Don II can say he's memorized the document and highlight a few key phrases. "Right to bear arms and bodies;" "Promote the general welfare of the rich and famous;" "The President shall have the power to fill up all vacancies with his family and closest friends;" and "The President shall be Commander in Chief and get to push the little red button when necessary or on a whim." We can have him confirm that he’ll uphold the Bill of Whites.
Miss Peeps: This is going to be fun. If you can't convince them, confuse them. As for Don III, we've got a special treat for the country. He's going to show up at a McDonald's in Akron, OH on 9/18.
Howie Destin: What?
Miss Peeps: It's National Cheeseburger day.
Howie Destin: We’ll have him down a quarter pounder with cheese and say how Hillary eats crackers and caviar and is out of touch with the American people. Then, he'll buy the place cheeseburgers and hand them out with “Make America Great” caps. He'll say he knows cheeseburgers like the American electorate. When it comes to November, the people don't care about the bun and toppings, they want a red-blooded piece of meet--the Trump prime cut.
Miss Peeps: Exactly. Not a grilled-cheese Hillary.